#that line in citizen fang could quite possibly be #one of the most painful things to experience #like #Sam’s spent the last 8 years of his life #side by side with Dean #hunting with him watching his back sleeping in the same rooms #eating together talking laughing trying to save him #jumped in the pit #hunted while he was losing his mind #lost Dean yet again #only to have him say #some guy that watched his back so he could get a ticket out of purgatory #was the person who had never let him down #just #i fucking can’t even imagine how Sam feels in that moment
#yep of all the shit that went down in s8 that’s the scene that pisses me off the most #i get that dean pushes people away to protect himself and he hits them where it hurts most but that was uncalled for #and something he never apologized for so i’m sure sam thinks he meant it #and it pisses me off how fandom brushes off when shit like that is done/said to sam #and actually have the gall to call him selfish for his speech in 8.23 where he is literally crying and ready to kill himself b/c he doesn’t #wanna let dean down again. sorry but if dean is allowed to feel bad about stuff that isn’t his fault or that happened a long time ago #then sam is allowed to have internalized his self-loathing about the things that have been said to and about him his entire life #from ”you’re a freak” to ”you’re a monster” to ”you’re not my brother” and so on #because *gasp* sam is a person with feelings too!!! i know take a minute let that sink in
If I'm dead, I stay dead. Nobody can reverse it, nobody can deal it away... and nobody else can get hurt because of me.
wxnslow-archived-deactivated201:
[ who are you kidding
you’re not meant to be happy
it’ s not in your dna ]
I’m still breathing. For me, sometimes, that will have to be enough."
#sam liked to hop up and stand on things when he was with dean #curbs and bleachers and planter boxes #anything to give him that extra few inches #any way he could look his brother in the eye without having to look so far up #he already felt small with Dean #not physically #but everything about Dean was big and bright and loud and beautiful in Sam’s eyes #he was strong and smart and talented and charming and handsome and every bit a hero #and it made Sam feel small #like he’d always be looking up and never quite able to reach #and even when his growth spurt finally happened #even when he kept growing and going through pairs of shoes and finally was too big for dean’s hand-me-downs #he still felt like he was looking up at dean #even when he had to look down
He wasn’t what you thought evil would be.
He was smiling and good-looking;
So you trusted, and then he destroyed.
And no one ever knew it was coming.
#he’s so tired #but he doesn’t complain #he just keep going #because there’s always something more important #another person to save another task to do #and he understands it # he must be hero again #no matter how broken he is #and how more broken he’s gonna become # if you think that Sam Winchester is selfish #you’re just fucking wrong —(fatpinkmoose)